Pro-Choice.

Mamahood Uninterrupted was, well, interrupted. Maternity Leave is difficult when the job I left behind is a job that still needs to get done for the health and happiness of the organization I work for and love. So, when a grant deadline looms, "maternity leave" becomes "maternity returns." Foundations, it seems, are unsympathetic to my breastfeeding schedule.

It's a good reminder that "the best laid plans..." I don't really know how that old adage ends, but it's something to the effect of "...ain't happenin' the way you planned 'em, sister." It's a lesson that has a silent challenge that follows: Now, how are you going to react?

And that's the thing with mamahood. I PLANNED to have a child that would never meltdown on aisle 5 because she wasn't getting a treat. I PLANNED on having a kid who would say on her 18th birthday, "Disney? What's Disney?" I PLANNED on having children who would ask for broccoli and tofu. I planned on plastic-, sugar- and tv-free. I planned on bi-lingual and veggie and "strength-based."

How's that going for you, Julie?
About as well as my three month Maternity Leave.


Which is to say, great. It's going great. It's going very differently than I had planned, but what did I know? I did most of the planning before I understood just how wonderful Saturday morning cartoons are when I'm only into my 5th hour of sleep. Before I realized that the power struggles would be as ubiquitous as the sugar treats. Before I realized that sometimes, "NO. Absolutely not. Because I said so and I'm the mom" is the exact and only thing that's going to work.

Because I made those plans before I was a mom. Now, I'm neck deep in Being Mom and, with the exception of plastic crap sending me into 'de-junking the house' tirades, I choose to be at peace with most of the interruptions.

With the grant completed and submitted, I am at peace with that interruption, as well. I brought my one month old into work with me and she slept soundly on my chest while I gathered info, crafted persuasive narrative and chatted with coworkers and friends. It was good to be back. For a little while. Now, I realize I'll have to start going back here and there... slowly re-entering into work long before my originally-planned three months is up; but if mamahood has taught me anything it's that I'm not in control of anything but how I choose to react.

I choose peace. I choose gratitude.
I choose joy.